I was driving along the other day, feeling pretty good about life, thinking about how amazing it is that I get to do THIS thing where I paint these expressive paintings that end up in people's homes, and.... and suddenly I thought: "so why didn't I do this.... ten years ago????".
What was I doing ten years ago? I was a glass artist. Making glass requires a lot of technical knowledge, you have to get certain things right (firing programmes for instance) or the glass will crack or get a scummy film on it that you can't remove unless you sandblast it! You are constantly battling with the laws of physics trying to get the glass to do what you want it to do. The technical execution is everything otherwise, frankly, it won't look very good! Without getting too much into the craft vs art debate, it is a "craft" in the sense that the maker strives for..... Perfection in its execution. In the quest for Perfection you have to be in.... Control.......
Yep. I was a control freak. I loved making stuff but I had to control it. So the answer to the question "why didn't I do this before?" is that I simply wasn't ready. I wasn't ready for... Expression. To express whatever goes on in the deeper recesses of your mind and soul means you have to release the vice-like grip of your conscious mind from time to time. As an enlightened person recently told me, to have Flow you need to stop strangling the hose!
Peripheral Discovery 2018, Mixed Media on canvas 100x162cm
I've grown up (a bit), I've evolved. I could not have produced this work back then because it would have been too scary to let go, and too scary to show so much of myself in my work.
So here I am now, trying not to strangle the hose too often (!) and showing up as more "me" than I ever could before. I call that progress!